Charleston Missed Connections of the Day: Prick on the Patio at Wild Wings (North Charleston)

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For your own health and the general good of society, I need you to find Jesus. If He doesn’t work for you, take up yoga or progressive muscle relaxation – maybe even give Valium a try. Better yet, seek counseling from a licensed therapist. Because buddy, you don’t know me, but you seem CRAZY.

I’m the lady seated next to you on the patio at Wild Wing Cafe in North Charleston today. Instead of a nice lunch with my mother, I was treated to your delightful 45 minute diatribe of filth. Your performance of what I can only assume was a toddler’s temper tantrum was truly inspired. FYI – in most civilized society, when the lovely woman dining with you repeatedly begs you ssshhhh, you really should shut up.

Given that the ACTUAL child at your table seems to still be of an impressionable age, I strongly encourage you to expand your vocabulary. As something of a word-enthusiast myself, I was impressed with your highly diverse use of expletives. Who hasn’t marveled at the myriad nuances of the F-Bomb? It won Matt Damon and Ben Affleck an Oscar for Good Will Hunting. Pretty sure I read an article about how people who swear are more creative, too. But time and place, man. Time and place. Sunday supper on the Wild Wings patio crawling with kids is neither time nor place.

Judgy vocabulary critique aside, here’s an observation I think is relevant. In the course of about an hour, you had not one positive thing to say about anything. And I do mean anything. It became like car bingo for us, waiting to see if you were pleased with or grateful for absolutely anything in your life. Cute kid, incredibly patient woman, decent life according to your humble brags, name brand clothes, several beers, table full of food, and my *happy* bingo board stayed blank.

If it were *racial slur* bingo, the winnings still wouldn’t be enough to tip the waitress what she deserves for putting up with you. Alexis was one of the best waitresses I’ve ever had there. That’s right, she has a name, and it’s not the word you were using. You know that beer you lied about waiting for for so long? I tipped her double because she didn’t pour it over your head. If she had doused you with it, I’d have left even more.

We made sure to let the manager know how things really went down. I think “ass-hat” is the term I used (quietly in private conversation with another adult… like I said, time and place).

You were trying to con the meal for free when we left; I hope that didn’t work. If you’re going to lie about how great the service always IS at the other location where you eat ALL THE TIME, you really shouldn’t have specified the one downtown. Yeah, see, I loved that place, too. I was really bummed when they closed 18 months ago.

Maybe you’re a great guy having a bad day.

Maybe you just need somebody to tell you to quit being an ass-hat.

Quit being an ass-hat.

Charleston Missed Connections (Grammar and Literacy Not Required)

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Given that Charleston was voted the friendliest city in the United States, one would think that a Missed Connections section would not be necessary.? If we see someone we like, we just use our Southern Charm and approach that lass or lad and state our feelings.? It is just the natural way in these parts.? Alas, that is not true for all, and because of that, we have found some fun and unique ways to reconnect with those strangers that left us smitten.

Here are some Charleston and Lowcountry Missed Connections worth celebrating.? To those that authored them, good luck in your pursuit of love, lust or whatever it is you seek.

Headline:? you’re pregnant and single
I’d love to get to know you better while I’m in town.

Headline: Total wine
I was loading a truck last week and you where the gorgous brown haried woman who asked where the party was. Tell me what i said if you would like to meet up some time.

Headline: You walk a german shep around sangaree
I often see you walking your dog around the neighborhood and you always catch my attention but i never manage to try and have a conversation with you but maybe you will see this or we might strike a conversation one day who knows but for now just know yiu are extrmemely beautiful and btwi love the shorts you were wearing the other day

Headline: Glenn McConnell , Maroon caravan (Stop light)
You pulled up to my truck in your minivan. I think it was a caravan. You looked smiled and as I pulled up further I could not quite get your attention. Your beautiful and I was immediately drawn to you when you smiled. Your had a pink shirt, maybe a scrub top, blonde hair, maroon caravan and you turned into grand oaks. Reply with the info about the truck , I have been thinking of you since I first saw you.

Headline:? Always wanted a Sister
I have often wondered what it would have been like to have a sister. Instead, I had two older brothers.
Maybe you had a similar family life. Maybe you’re a female who grew up without a brother.
Now that I’m older, I really feel like I missed out on a good sibling relationship. I just have never had the closeness of a caring sibling, one with whom I could talk to about anything or depend on for support or advice or be there for them when they needed me.
Of the two brothers I grew up with, the one who I was closest to, died few years ago. This has left a huge void in my life because, there is just not enough of a good relationship with the one remaining.
I don’t know why, but seems here lately, I have really been wishing I had a sister.
If you are reading this, and have any thoughts to share, your thoughts are more than welcome.

Headline:? At Walterboro drug store
You work at a drug store in Walterboro, I have long admired you! You are a cute guy and I’d like to get to know you and make mad love with you! The only thing is I don’t know if you’re gay or not? I am just too shy to come out and ask such a question to a stranger. I am a bi guy looking for a handsome man to love for a LTR. If you are gay or bisexual and interested please write me back. I am a white professional man, 6’2″ and 235 lbs, looking for love and romance with a guy like you. Looking forward to hearing from you! (I don’t want to mention your name here!) I am very attracted to you and want to take a leap forward by posting an ad here, I hope you see it!

Headline:? dollar General
I saw u Wednesday evening in the dollar General in Macedonia. U are very good looking u were wearing a dress. I would love to hook up with u.

Headline: Pretty blonde lady in bright red dress Home Team 4/10
You looked stunning! Could hardly keep my eyes off you.
Honest truth… I’m married and not looking BUT I just wanted you to know how beautiful you looked.
Glancing smiles made my night.